Wet Curls in the Rain

Alongside all the wonderful parts of my first week in Cardiff has been the resurgence of a little voice in my ear that I thought I had defeated. I am reminded, at almost every moment, of how much I lack. How much I talk and for how long, how selfish and boring I am, how ugly and swollen I look in pictures, how clumsy, stupid and lacking I am next to everyone else.
I nearly burst into tears this evening when I couldn't figure out the front door and how to work the lock. I feel like praying. feel like begging, like cowering on my knees and whispering, "Not again. Not this time. No."