#toosoonforsome

Poni is one of billions of socially conservative women who would have more than enough reason to post #metoo but lives in a culture where doing so would generate more abuse than positivity. In South Sudan as in dozens and dozens of countries around the world, it's virtually unthinkable that a woman, often complicit in and bound by misogynist structures that she is or more likely isn't aware of, could make such a public declaration that men would see as an attack on them and the norms they maintain.

There is great value in campaigns like this, and I'm certainly a fan of social media being used for something thought-provoking, rather than documenting someone's lunch or arrival at an airport. It's fantastic to highlight such a fundamental issue but to be able to write the words in a relatively safe space is beyond the reach of the majority of the world's women.

The phrase has been posted by countless friends on my Facebook feed. Pretty much without exception these women and some gay men are already social justice warriors, confident enough to speak out against the status quo. I'd like to know how this movement engages those more conservative or less emotionally open women. As many women have been writing, they long for other women never to belittle the experiences of others, or for other women not to hold the view that men should not be challenged. My heart sinks when I see women accuse other women of being too militantly feminist or expressing boredom that the latest sexism scandal on Twitter has dragged on too long.

Thanks to people who have fought injustice boldly over the years we now have some of our basic liberties: votes for all and decriminalisation of x, y and z. None of these are present as inalienable rights without a fight being fought. Tackling instances of inequality benefits us all by way of a fairer, more understanding society.

I firmly believe in the power of language in effecting social change but so many do not. People who choose their words carefully or call out those who perpetuate negativity through their words, should be respected. Hourly decisions about whether to challenge stereotyping rhetoric are made by anyone who is not a heterosexual white male, and it's a constant internal battle to weigh up the urge to interject vs the discomfort that will probably ensue, depending on the audience. When I have challenged friends and family on their use of the word gay as a derogatory [such as 'oh my god that's so gay'] it led to good results, as it did when I was challenged at university by my friend Adam. Now it seems to be disappearing from the vernacular. This is a rapid change from how widely it was used when I was at school, and a good case study in how being aware of language can avoid damaging the confidence of people who the words portray.

It's embarrassing to be a coward but there are countless individual situations where a judgment is made not to challenge. I've written about this before in the context of remaining closeted in Aceh, as I refuse to evade certain places where conservation work is interesting, just because homosexuality is illegal.

I had wine with Tony, a rambunctious Scotsman living in the house next door, who told interesting tales of being blown up in Mogadishu. He also peppered the conversation with a tale of getting back at some colleagues who were irritating him by supplying them with strawberry shower gel so they'd smell 'gay' and so he'd be able to chortle every time they walked into the room. Yes, he's 54.

It didn't cross his mind that I could be gay, as working in South Sudan doesn't fit with the stereotype. I should have said it, to make him squirm and then think. But I didn't, and that feels pathetic. In the moment of deciding whether to challenge, often it just seems futile. Most people are not ready to hear the arguments maturely or they don't have the intellect, interest, energy or patience. And about a million other things come into play: working relationships, national context, personal dynamics, British awkwardness.

I apologise for all the times I haven't stepped forward when I could have, when kids were being bullied at school, when blokes talk horridly about women as if it was a sport. I want #metoo to shake up awareness in as many people as possible and for people to challenge others when they can.

Other things that happened today: a praying mantis nipped me on the neck and one of the chimpanzees that was rescued from Yambio to Juba threw a rock at me that made my finger bleed.

'For me, I didn't have my fathers love', Poni said today at breakfast, referencing her father's favouritism for his third wife, who is not Poni's mother. She was angry about those South Sudanese men who take more wives and father more children than they can care for.