I hooked up with Mr. Greene today. I was so worried that it would be like last week, his careless attitude and fickle mind. All this week I have been running over our conversation, picking at it and scrutinizing every part, running through every possible reason and thought process. From this I told myself that I had to ask him some questions, like 'what is this trial?' and 'are you worried about living so close?'. I met him outside Cotswold in Cabot Circus and we went for a coffee. Everything seemed fine, he was much more upbeat and chatty. Less of the gloom and doom. Afterwards we came back to my flat and he put on some music. We sat on my bed in silence. I could feel my heart racing every time I dared to ask him, but the words didn't come. Eventually, i just spat it out.

I asked him if he was worried, and his answer was no. He said he liked the calm me (for those of you who don't know, I can get really crazy.) and that he was happy with me. I asked if he had told his friends that we were seeing each other. He said yes and I asked what they thought of that.
"they wondered if I was going to have the problem of us wanting to see each other different amounts"
"what did you reply?"
"Well, I said that we hadn't seen each other enough to know whether we were seeing each other enough"
I laughed.

We lay there in silence, holding each other. I had booked tickets for us to go to the cinema, and the time to leave was approaching.
We kissed; he rolled me over; we made love. We haven't in a long time, and I was getting worried that he may have someone on the side taking care of that for him, but his expression told me more than words ever could.

By the time we were out the door, we had missed 10 minutes of the film. But it was fine. We sat hand in hand, and when we came out, I noticed he was crying. I held on to him as we wondered across the park to his bike.
"I'll see you really soon" he said with a smile. And he left.

I feel better now about this whole thing. I remember what it is I'm always holding out for. It's him.

My friend is going to a pirate social tonight. I thought she looked good.