Ready-Brek for the Soul

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

This came in the post for me today. And not just this, I also got a copy of David Sedaris's latest book and Tunnock's Caramel biscuits AND a box of shortbread!

It made me happy/sad. Sad because I really do miss you like an ache. But mainly happy. Firstly because the idea of someone thinking about me and parcelling all of this stuff up makes me all warm and glowy inside. I am like E.T. after Elliot comes back to get him, or a Ready-Brek kid who has overdosed on porridge. 

Secondly, because I have SCOTTISH BISCUITS. I am eating one right now. And they are all MINE. Er Indoors is not so bothered, and anyway she is still busy trying to scunner herself on Kiwi chocolate.

Thirdly, I love my book. It is even signed. David Sedaris loves signing books, I know. He loves talking to the people who come to see him. I heard him tell a story about one signing where a woman asked him to sign a book for "Paul". 

"Write the most OUTRAGEOUS thing you can think of inside," she gushed.

David Sedaris thought a bit, then he wrote:

To Paul with love - thank you for the teeth-marks you left on my d*ck.

"Paul is my seventeen-year-old SON!" said the woman.

Silly lady. She should have known better.

There are no willy references written inside the front cover of my book but I love it anyway. I am going to take it to work with me every day and then read it sitting by the harbour. Or maybe in Midland Park, where the Kiwi office workers go to have their lunches. I will read it and I will Ready-Brek GLOW so hard that the office workers will risk sunburn.

And you will wake up in the morning and see a glow on the horizon. Other people will think it is the sun coming up, but you will know it is me, thinking of you.

S.