Red

8:30am sure came around awfully fast ;-) 

I hauled myself up and made tea, and then had to get ready. I did have time for a nice warm bath but no breakfast. After yesterday's rain it was bright and sunny which really lifted my spirits. 

I was lucky that it was just me and my teacher S in the dance studio this morning. I am appreciating that my lessons are at the weekend rather than in the week when it's busy, as I feel quite nervous and self-conscious at the moment. She brought her little boy who has just turned three, and he was no trouble at all. He wanted to switch the music on, and wanted his mummy to dance with him (hold his arms whilst he jumped about) but the rest of the time he played with his toys as he sat on the stage.

There was something funny about seeing all of this today. It left me feeling more hopeful and optimistic than I have in recent days. S is not a single parent, but seeing her with her son made me realise how awesome it might be (not forgetting all of the bloody hard work it is as well), even if you did have to do it by yourself. And I started to think that maybe I could in the future. Who knows? I'm sure it's 100 times better having someone to share it with, but I'd rather do it myself than miss out and always wonder. 

It made me feel like I have to move forward in a positive way, and if online dating isn't it, then so be it. I hate online dating anyways. I'm tired of making small talk with strangers, being called "dearest" by the latest match that I've barely exchanged more than five message with etc. 

I guess I have to stop worrying about it all. 

Easier said than done.