The Pig

In England once there lived a big
and wonderfully clever pig
To everybody it was plain
that Piggy had a massive brain
He worked out sums inside his head,
there was no book he hadn't read
He knew what made an airplane fly
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
one question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn't puzzle out
what LIFE was really all about
what was the reason for his birth?
why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round
ALAS, no answer could be found
till sunddenly one woudrous night
all in a flash he saw the light
he jumped up like a ballet dancer
and yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"

"They want my bacon slice by slice
"to sell at a tremendous price!
"they want my tender juicy chops
"to put in all the butcher's shops!
"they want my pork to make a roast
"and that's the part'll cost the most!
"they want my sausages in strings
"they even want my chitterlings!
"the butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"that's the reason for my life!! "

Such thoughts as these are not designed
to give a pig great piece of mind.

Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland
a pail of pigswill in his hand
And piggy with a mighty roar
bashes the farmer to the floor......
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
so let's not make the much of it
Exept that you must understand
that piggy did eat Farmer Bland
he ate him up from head to toe
chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet
because there was so much to eat
and when he finished, Pig, of course
felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
and with a little smile he said:

"I had a very powerful hunch
"that he might have ME for his lunch
"and so, because I feared the worst
"I thought I'd better eat him first!

-R. Dahl-