Horror Scope....

Continued......

CANCER: Next week, you're offered a job - in Melbourne! Hurrah, it's the chance to start again.
You immediately divorce, sell the budgie, move to Oz, swap your mother for a didgeridoo, and write a long letter to Theresa May telling her that Britain's dead, and you're the one who voted for Brexit, ha ha ha!
If only you'd checked the small print. It was Melbourne....in Derbyshire.
Oops.

CAPRICORN: In July you will suddenly discover a mysterious door at the back of your wardrobe!
On opening it, you find a strange, powdery white world, populated with people who talk gibberish.
Don't worry - it's not Narnia. It's only the next door neighbour's cocaine factory.
Whew. What a relief!

LEO: Donald Trump suddenly decides that you're 'fake news' and don't actually exist. His tweet on the subject goes viral, and instantly, you're nothing but an urban myth, an apocryphal tale, a vicious rumour....
Contrary to your theory that this renders you invisible, you will still be arrested for doing your Waitrose shopping in the nude though....