Flyway to Hell!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! That was horrible!

The train journey to Paisley Gilmour Street was pleasant enough. I always love that short journey from Ayr as the track passes alongside several golf courses and I always get a little pang thinking of Dad when I see those golf bags in a row while one man in boxy trousers takes a swing while his friends look on.

Straight off the train and onto the number 66 bus to Glasgow Airport was the next stage. There was a drunken woman on the bus slurring at everyone on there. God I hope I'm not like that after a night out! Horror of horrors!

At the airport, checking in was fine. Security was a bit different! I had to go through one of those new body scanners! You have to put your arms up and stand with your feet on a couple of markers while I was vaporised scanned. I was told to keep very still but I know my knees were knocking like a pair of castanets. I survived anyway I think. I wanted to take a photo of the scanner but was told I couldn't for 'security reasons'! Arse! You see? I do TRY to take interesting pictures for you!

Oh well. My wing pictured through a grimy window it is then. Shock horror! It was a WOMAN DRIVER! I could swear she left the handbrake on judging by the horrible screeching sound when she reversed out of the plane stop. I had a big brandy to steady my nerves when the hostesses came round. My knuckles were white the way I was gripping the armrests coming down when the WOMAN DRIVER just dropped the plane with a massive thud onto the runway at Brum. If I'd been wearing false teeth they would have shot out and imbedded themselves in the back of the man's head six rows further down. I'm serious! When she got the landing gear down I thought 'Bloody hell! If she treats her boyfriend like that he must be a eunuch or sing soprano!'

I was kissing the ground like the Pope when I eventually got off. Anyway, I am here and have survived!

Track - it has to be AC/DC - Flyway to Hell