Tae a Coo

Whae's that great hulkin' hairy sicht?
Wi' hoarns enough tae gie ye fricht
Which eats aw dee an' sleeps aw nicht
bit nowt besides
The perr thing disnae seem tae bricht
fer ail its size

Whit name tae gie the hornèd chap?
A mound ae ginger hair tae clap
Twa bristly ears it has tae flap
tae stir the flies
Behind a fringe (the wind tae stap),
a pair ae eyes

The beast kent as the Muckle Coo
Fair tears the air with ev'ry moo
Four times the weight ae baith us two
and often mair
Wi' cloven hooves tae big tae shoe
upon the flair

One might be frichted o' the beast
A man wid make a bonny feast
A sterter at the very least
Fir wan sae strang
Bit if ye fear a coo man-eats
Ye wid be wrang

Yon Muckle Coo wid eat aw day
A field ae grass and stooks ae hay
The pile ae scran it pits away
wid sink a ship
The shite which splats back oot the way
wid fill a skip

Ye wid be daft tae presuppose
a coo kin digest cellulose;
Fir that its guts is filt wi' rows
ae wee microbes,
whae get the cud tae decompose
in the rumen's lobes

As well as mooin' half the dee
the coo meks noise anothir way
As well as shite, the grass n hay
forms methane gas:
This greenhoose gas the coo will spray
oot ay its erse

Though tasty meat, minced, steak or groond
'Tis ecologically unsoond
compared tae food-crops, poond fae poond
the coo wid lose...
'Tis time anothir source were foond
ae milk an shoes

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