Sunshine and Flowers

Not quite as early as I'd hoped to have it, but still early enough so that we did not need to rush.  M was at my apartment by 8.30 and we left soon after that for Avalon.  Jay's help was up and about and had already packed some boxes.  Not too long after we arrived, we started bringing boxes to the SUV.  I began with the 6 boxes of official office papers pertaining to the two companies that had to be dissolved.  Then came Jay's printer, clothes, medication, toiletries, and other immediate stuff.  Before long the SUV was stuffed, so off we went.  Following cousin JM's directions, we arrived at Eastwood and found the building easily.  JM and his family were already there, waiting for us.  The stuff was unloaded and brought upstairs ... and what a cute little pad it was!  Just large enough for Jay and M and the help, cool, comfy, and fully furnished.  Jay felt at home straight away.  Later in the day, they'll go back to Avalon and pick up Chuck, the golden lab, and bring him to JM's house.  His kids can hardly wait, they're so excited.

After the quick move, we entered the nearby mall and had lunch at a Filipino restaurant called Crisostomo.  It will be my last meal in Manila.  I'd eaten there twice before and the food is really good.  The bill was split and so back we went to the apartment.  JM and family left to unload their SUV to get it ready for Chuck.  This dog of flowers is standing outside at the back of the apartment building.  It looks so cheery!

Back at the apartment, M and the help organized Jay's stuff while he relaxed.  I was expecting someone to turn on the TV but that is yet another thing I've noticed about Jay -- he's no longer that interested in the tube.  These past few days, memories would surface about me or about him, and we would share these, but they do not produce any sentiment or sense of nostalgia.  The past seems to have disappeared from our heads but also from our hearts -- we hardly remember things, and when we do we are not touched.  I'm inclined to think that this is a good thing, as we're either immune from pain or we are beyond it.  I think it's both but more of the latter.  I'm not sure we're interested in building a whole new base to start from because that would take too much time and effort.  Instead, we're just enjoying the moment.  We seem to have become rather Zen in our dealings with each other, everything in balance and in a positive way.  It's like we're ready to come together and just as ready to fall apart, clinging to nothing and expecting nothing, almost like strangers that love each other.  That is what our past has done to us.  There's not much worth recalling and if we dig too much we'll only be opening wounds.  I could say that these things happen, but that would not be fair for either him or me.

At 16.30, we left for the airport.  I was sorry to leave Jay, after such a hectic week but also after 20+ years.  The detachment helped enormously but it did not comfort me.  Soon, we'll both be back in amnesia mode, and he'll return to his life and I to mine, as though I'd never been, and it will be neither happy nor sad.  I believe I will be sad, though.  I've told myself that I didn't start this but I'll have to make do with what we've been left with, and it's already more than I thought it would be.  Was it worth my coming here?  Definitely.  In the grand scheme of things ... but who cares about the grand scheme of things?  The grand scheme of things is an illusion.  The NOW is what we have, is what we've always had, nothing more and nothing less.

Bye, Jay ... see you soon.