Heartbreak.

It’s been a couple of weeks now... and this is the first time I’ve felt able to post.

The shock and grief has overwhelmed me, not only for myself... but for my son. Who although he fully understands, does not seem to have processed it completely. Understandbly at the tender age of six, to loose his father, so suddenly... with no warning. I can’t even begin to imagine what’s going on his little head.

The past three and a half years, since we separated have been tumultuous to say the least, and the thirteen years we spent together were not much different in all honesty, but a dear friend hit the nail on the head in a recent message.... love will always last longer than hate. The emotions that these tragic events have stirred have shocked me to say the least. In those final moments I felt love for him, that I never thought I would.

I can’t bring myself to look back over this journal to view the memories that it holds, but I take comfort in the fact that one day I can share them with our son.

Parents evening... and whilst flicking through his work tonight I came across this, and my heart broke just a little more... didn’t even think it was possible.

Monday cannot come soon enough, so we can say our final goodbyes and begin the slow journey of moving on.

Sometimes life’s a real bitch.