for daddy...

...with love

from a princess daughter who adored you - and never expected to get that phone call...

now it's been 5 years - 5 years that you've been gone - yet it seems like yesterday we were chatting about this and that...

i was told the raw would go away... time would heal the hurt - make it grow dimmer... i suppose it's true - there has been some fading away... but i am still caught off guard - with moments unaware - taken by surprise by little things that remind me of him - bringing back into sharp awareness - just how much i miss his gentle caring... his compassion... his love for his little girl... how on this anniversary date - everything comes rushing back to me - the middle of the night call... my disbelief - my need to put it on hold because i hadn't had the conversation of the rockies winning the game last night with him... how i needed to ask him a question about my car... will those things diminish?

i don't want my love for daddy to fade away though... i don't want my memories of him to grow dim... i want to hang on to them as though they are fresh as the dew of the morning... i want to remember his loving kindness - his gentle nature - his fighting will - his stubborness... i want to be able to conjure up the long ago picture of me on his knee - teaching me how to tell time... with a paper clock in his hands - turning the dials to different numbers to help me... i want to remember how he served his country - even though he didn't talk about those times to us... i want to remember my first ever dance with him - at the american legion hall - where he wore a suit and tie, and i wore a puffy dress with mary janes...

5 years seems like a long time... someone said to me i should be over it by now... i don't understand that comment - i don't know how you get over it - i don't want to - i don't expect to... i want to remember - i'd like to get over the ache for sure - those startling moments that catch me... however, i don't ever want to be over daddy - he was the love of my life - gave me life - and made for many...

a

happy day.....