We're back at this place again.  A place of sadness, uncertainty, fear.   I didn't sleep well last night and feel so sad again today.  However, it is the most beautiful day so off we went with Tommy, to the park.  

We went out for a drive, to get lunch (above!) and to pick up some shopping.  

One of the nurses from the hospital called while we were at lunch.  I've made a plan to go into meet them on Thursday so they can chat to me about what happens now.  They want to ease my fears and there will be a support group meeting they said I could join, meet some women who are further down the line than me.  I admit I did have a cry on the phone, I'm not dealing with this like a big girl.  

My consultant offered me Saturday for me next operation - tomorrow!   I said I couldn't do that as I've been pinning my hopes on going on holiday on Saturday 28th.   We're going to Ibiza, six of my friends from Edinburgh are coming too, on my recommendation so I don't want to miss it.   I'll never know if pushing back is going to make a difference but I explained how I've been using it as a focus at each stage, first and second operations.  He said 'I'd still be able to go if I had it done on Saturday but there's no way I'd be able to in reality.  If I'm feeling 'under the weather', or tired or weak or have more fluid issues, I want to be here, at home.  He agreed quality of life is important and that a couple of weeks won't make any difference.  I guess I'll never know if it does or not.

Then at 4o'clock we went back to the park for a picnic party for our neighbour's birthday.  We stayed until 8pm - four hours of chatting, playing, etc and no thoughts of effin cancer.