Tuesday

Lewis' 4th birthday and I took the day off.
Plans had to change with H and K in hospital.
We started the day opening presents with Kelly on face time. Mum, Steven and I then took Lewis to soft play; his choice for the day. It was  hard work keeping up with him!
We had lunch then went up to the hospital. Harris is in neo natal on antibiotics. They think he has an infection in his lungs. His breathing is also still too fast.  Lewis opened more presents and we had a little tea party in K 's room. The nurses had decorated the room with banners, and 'Happy Birthday Lewis' everywhere.
Lewis has coped with the whole situation extremely well, not questioning anything, happily leaving Kelly at the hospital. I'm so proud of him.

I found the day extremely hard; the constant chatter, being with Mum for the 5th day in a row. I could have easily gone home at lunch time but that was not what was expected. I saw Harris, but felt nothing.
There is far too much going on just now and I am finding it really hard to cope with it in the right way. I am also so annoyed with myself that I feel like this now, I never used to be like this.  I am tired and the anxiety is starting. Bedtime.