Blossom

Let out Hazel the cow and her calf today they seem all fine even on my afternoon checks. Big relief.

For those that don't know I suffer from anxiety. Some days weeks months are better than others. Today was one of those not so good days. I often question myself as to whether I should mention it. I'm not after sympathy. It is mental health awareness week next week. I think those that don't suffer from anxiety find it hard to understand it. And what it feels like. I am fully aware it's in my head but it's not always so easy to snap out of. For me it's always harder when husband isn't here. I realise how much confidence and support I get from him. It's hard to believe that some days just getting up and performing simple tasks is too much and some days I can carry on like I don't have a problem. Thankfully (I think) I'm pretty stubborn so even though I'm struggling I still do what needs to be done. I will not be beat in that way but it is very hard to do and very draining and usually involves tears and swearing at myself for being so stupid.


 I would say I hope tomorrow is better but tomorrow is part of the reason for today's struggles. I'm taking Breagh to the vets to be spayed. The worst part is doing it on my own. I fear the debilitating panic attack and no one there to help me out of it. Crazy isn't it when you think about it and stupidly worrying about the attack more often than not causes it. But I will manage and all will be fine. Usually I'd be coping a bit better than this this is one of worst days I've had for a while I'm pretty sure it's because my anxiety level is already raised with the stress of the move. So I'm thinking I'm going to skip May and just go to June. Wouldn't that be nice!!

16c misty then heavy showers then cloudy then blue sky and sunshine late afternoon