Pregnant With An Elephant

My Dear Princess Normal & Dear Fellows,

I am in a much better mood today, and in fact today was much better day than the crapfest that was Wednesday.

EFF OFF WEDNESDAY

It started on a somewhat surreal note. But to explain I'm going to have to go back a bit. 

So Er Indoors and I are big noisy snorers. The pair of us have nose issues. You may remember that Er Indoors had laser beams shot up her nose in 2016, but it had no effect whatsoever. As for me, I have a deviated septum (you can tell by the way I walk) and we both suffer from hayfever. 

The resultant result is that, on a bad night our combined rumblings sound like an articulated lorry filled with angry ducks. If I am particularly bad, Er Indoors has to sleep in the spare room. As for me, my coping mechanism is to sleep with my ipod headphones in.

It is not as uncomfortable as you might think. I've been doing it for years, and it really works. I tend to listen to relaxing things like the rain or the waves, or history lectures that I download from The Teaching Company. Lectures are actually great, because they drown out external noise. They are also relaxing enough to lull me to sleep. But if I do find myself unable to drift off, at least I can feel good that I am learning all about the Little Optimum*.

So this morning, at about 5.30am I was just stirring when I heard, "...the Battle of Waterloo was won by the timely arrival of General Blucher, famed for believing he was pregnant with an elephant..."

So THAT woke me up. Sometimes you need to Google things. Right away!

Five minutes and one internet search later, it turns out there are two theories:

a) To be "pregnant with an elephant" is not to be taken literally. It is just an expression like, "He gets right up my nose". So when General Blucher claimed to have been made pregnant with a baby elephant by a French Grenadier, it just meant that the French Grenadier really annoyed him.

b) General Blucher was EFFING BONKERS.

That second theory holds more water than you would think. Apparently he also believed his household staff were French spies who were heating up his floors to burn his feet. He therefore foiled them by hopping around from foot to foot all the time. 

My day was further brightened by the cats. Once I was up and about they danced around my feet and gave me cuddles. This chased away any remains of my grumpy mood from yesterday. Animals are great. I feel bad for people who don't love animals. They are missing out. It's like if you didn't love sex or biscuits or something like that. 

(Note: I am not advocating sex WITH biscuits. That would be sick and wrong).

My work day was okay too. The thing that went wrong yesterday has been mostly fixed, and it was my solution to the problem that fixed it so I'm obviously effing awesome just saying. Then there was a parade just outside our office. It was led by a group of students playing the bagpipes, then all the recent graduates followed. It all seemed very jolly. At the back of the parade was a brass band playing the theme from "Ghostbusters". Which was kind of bizarre, but ok.

Then at lunchtime I went to the All Day Breakfast place again, because I was both hungry and bored. This time I had the "Western-Style Crepe" which was a regular crepe filled with bacon and peppers and topped with scrambled egg. This made my stomach very happy. See extra.

I guess what I am saying is this: I am very shallow. Breakfasts and Ghostbusters and Cats and Pregnant Generals make me very happy. I refuse to apologise for this.

S.

* This is a 300 year spell of global warming that occurred in the Middle Ages, which preceded - and some scholars would argue caused - the Renaissance. It is also the nickname Er Indoors gives my willy.