Turn your scars into stars

I heard this phrase recently when I confessed on an online forum that Ive been apart of for nearly 10 years that I had had a bit of a break down and self harmed. I didnt explain any further other than to say that my scars would last forever.. Someone posted this simple phrase "turn your scars into stars"
It didnt really help me at the time it was all to fresh and painful and even nowI don't quite know how to process the phrase.
You see I suffer from clinical depression. Its a hard thing to tell people because well not many people really understand unless they themselves have experienced it. Its not just about feeling sad, or down its all consuming and life sucking. You don't choose to feel the way you do and you cant just switch it off. Oh how I wish I could! You can wake every morning feeling hopeless, empty, alone, afraid, confused, dull, lifeless, desperate all at once..
What sent me to breaking point is hard to put a finger on but suffice to say that this last year has been just terrible. My husband lost his job, we were on a benefit for 6 months, I suffered from a terrible post op infection, Got a new job but had to move cities then my mum nearly died a week after we had moved. All the while trying to care for our 8 children. It seemed like someone was kicking us down over and over. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, coping but only just. After the dust had settled and life was getting back to normal, that was when I fell apart. Everything had changed, where we lived, our daily routine, no more friends to relax with, no more grandparents to lend a hand, and the final major change was my youngest children went to school. My 5 year old twins all grown up and independent.
For 16 years I have been a stay at home mother caring for my babies and preschoolers this is what kept me going.
On one Sunday morning my husband and I had a fight, it doesn't matter what the fight was about but I snapped. I punched my hands through a window.. It was an incredibly stupid thing to do and the second I had done it I wished I could rewind and erase what had just happened. I'm ashamed of what I did because it hurt my husband badly, it nearly sent him to the brink.
So now here I am healing but still broken inside. The scars on my arms are a constant reminder of just how broken I feel. I've been lying to people when they ask what happened. The truth really isn't something I can have a casual conversation about. I hate lying though and its never been something I can do without my conscience getting pricked.
So here I am showing my scars, and confessing my deepest shame. Why is it I can feel free to show the faceless people that exists in cyber space? Maybe it's because I don't want to hide anymore. don't want to put on the facade that all is ok when its not. Maybe I think that mental illness shouldn't be hidden, there shouldn't be the stigma that exists when you need to reach out for help. In truth I think bareing all here may help me move forward, help me to let go of my shame and eventually turn my scars into stars...