Rewriting The Script

I took a moment at my spot, something I do pretty much every day, but this was a longer moment than usual, trying to calm myself before the emotional turmoil that surely lay ahead. I feared that yesterday's celebration of the sky might have been tempting fate. It certainly felt premature when that agonising equaliser went in during added time. We were spared by a magical save and then skewered by a corner a few seconds later. 

I chose to watch the game in solitude, perhaps down to my reserve around public displays of emotion. I'm less inhibited, more open to express myself on my own. Roam texted me to say that he was feeling physically sick during extra time. I shared that same kind of visceral experience, just like many of you I'm sure, along with millions of other people throughout the country. And that was before it went to penalties.

It felt like the old familiar script. When a Colombian player was shooting, the goal looked so much bigger than when an English player was taking his spot kick. Did you notice that sleight of perception? And then it was the turn of Jordan Henderson. I guess it was his body language and the collective unconscious fear of half the nation watching along with me but that goal suddenly looked tiny. It looked almost impossible for him to get it past the goalkeeper. I'd let go of my hopes before his shot was saved.

It truly was the same old story. Once again. I felt for my boys. But just as I let the dream go, so hope was reignited and suddenly we had the chance to win. Just one kick to rewrite the script and banish all the demons of the last thirty years. The goalkeeper's hand so nearly got to the ball but that will never be remembered. A miracle happened. We won a penalty shoot-out. 

I had no idea that I wanted us to win that match so very much, that I could still be so passionate about a game of football. I actually thought I was beyond that now, terminally jaded by serial disappointments of the past. I'm not! There is something very special about this World Cup.