Columbia

In a World Cup that has been genuinely fantastic, today was the chance for some good old fashioned South American skullduggery. I’m not a fan of stereotypes, but apparently this Colombian team are, and spent the entire match just being entirely despicable. I’d be ashamed if my team behaved like this, but no doubt they will return to a heroes welcome. That ridiculous parody of a pantomime buffoon Maradona even having the irony blind gall to suggest that England had cheated their way to the next round. He may not be the best footballer who has ever lived, but he has beaten George Best by a mile to the award for drowning out any memories of football excellence with his post career clusterfeckwittery.

On the very plus side England won a penalty shootout. Anything is possible now.