I know, with every heartbeat of my life, that my precious children are just on loan to me from fate, chance and desperate men. Like most parents, I have grown so used to that low pulse of unease that I am rarely conscious of it. 

I was happy to have both mine with me today, and when I heard S mention the funeral of a friend's younger sister I asked the name. I was hit with shock - what S didn't know was that the dad of the young woman killed in a traffic accident 12 days ago is someone I worked with for several years, a kind and compassionate person who helped me and my daughter during a difficult time. That probably shouldn't make any difference but I am finding it so hard to take in what has happened and what he and his family must be enduring now. I make myself remember the most painful things in my life and know that this is way, way beyond, into a horror I can't begin to grasp.

Our lucky foursome went out for a walk in the afternoon sun and I took this picture at our far point - of the church where her funeral will be. I will be there.

It was dark when I got back home.