Fun and Games / Storm in a Teacup?

Well  friday was stormy weather wise, fun for Oscar, less so for me!
The day started disastrously as my cold has turned into a cough and at one point the mucus got stuck in my throat and I couldn't breathe. I managed to clear it on the fourth cough but my body was literally shaking in fear and I could still feel it in my throat. At this point The Exile called in to collect my spirit level. I showed her my shaking hands and explained what had happened and told her to hit me hard and repeatedly on the back if it got stuck again. Unfortunately her response set in motion a heated exchange. She was trying to reassure me but unfortunately given her legal background she did so by telling me what I feared, that it would get stuck and I would choke on it, was impossible. I begged to differ. I have had children who died from this, I have a history of apnea, choking and miss-swallowing  and of course anxiety and panic attacks! Every time I tried to explain how I felt and why, she interrupted me to apply clear logic, making me feel wrong, weak and increasingly frustrated and all the while trying to control my breathing to calm myself down and prevent myself from tipping into a panic attack! It's no good telling me it won't happen, it's like telling a depressed person to cheer up! It had got stuck, I had been unable to breathe, and I knew any minute I was going to cough again and I feared going through the same episode of not being able to breathe. Yes I had cleared it but the inability to breathe is one of the most frightening experiences I have ever gone through and it's happened many times, and each time I fear I won't be able to breathe  even though every time I have. Thats what fear is - pure, raw, intense and non-negotiable! Well finally I just shouted at her to " Shut the f**k up! " That I was trying to hold onto myself and not tip into panic, that this has been my life for the past year and it was not pleasant, I did not want to be like this and she wasn't helping! She shut up! 
Once I had calmed down she said she had no idea what a panic attack was, and I asked her had she never experienced fear, had she not thought she had lost one of her children and in that moment before spotting them, experienced that moment of pure and utter fear and the sensation of losing all control, the fight or flight response. She looked at me blankly! She apologised and said she thought she was doing the right thing to calm me down, but obviously now realised it was not helpful! Duh! Shame it had to get to the point where I literally had to scream at her to stop talking! 
With calm resumed we took Oscar for a walk to see the Hivehaus - 9 units up and the top covered in blue plastic to protect it from the rain. But the high winds had blown in through the windows, doorways and asides not yet enclosed. 
I spent the rest of the day quietly until it was time to go to the puppy class. What an awful drive that was - the rain and wind had resumed and was buffeting the car! When I arrived there was only one other person there! One had obviously decided the journey from where she lived was too hazardous, and the other had given his collie to a farm! I think it was his families idea to have a dog, and as he had just retired from teaching it actually wasn't the right time for him to be having to deal with a playful, active puppy!
However Lupin, the black lab, was there and Oscar was delighted with her! I worried he would squash her but in fact it was she who clambered up on his back! The session itself I was less than happy about. The trainer obviously has some social difficulties, i.e. not being able to make eye contact when she is talking! Plus she talks a lot about what she has done with her dogs, all the time breaking up dog treats into small pieces! Well Oscar found it hard to just sit and wanted to be with Lupin on the other side of the room or getting one of the treats she was breaking up in front of him! She did teach us 3 things - which unfortunately I found downright confusing for me and Oscar! They all involved treats and your hand. In one he had to sit without command as you held treats out to him on the palm of your hand. If he approached you closed your hand. You gave them to him once he was sitting. This was not quite so bad but then she did the next one. Hold your hand up in the air and he gets the treat when he makes eye contact with you. Well Oscar was focused on the treats she was still breaking up in her hand and Lupin - he couldn't have been less interested in my hand  raised out at shoulder level! Finally the third one - hold your empty hand in a fist - when he touches your hand open your hand and drop a treat into it! Well how confusing is all that in one session?! I get the fact the dog has to work out what to do, and that it is not based on commands, but 3 different actions for getting the treat  in your hand?!! Also irritating was he had to sit on a raised platform whilst she talked - well Oscar will quite naturally and happily lay down until it's time to move, giving him a treat every time I got him on the darn thing was doing my head in! Plus he's never had so many treats in such a compressed period of time! I thought he was likely to throw up on the way home! 
So by the end of the day one very full and confused dog and one very irritated, emotionally stressed and tired owner! I'm so pleased it is now Sunday and this day and it's frustrations are firmly behind me!