Me myself and I.

Fuck love. You know? Fuck love and all it's bullshit. As soon as I am over Bethan Collerton, I am never falling in love again. It is too painful, i'll focus on my photography, getting drunk, and breaking hearts, THEN, maybe one day someone will hurt the way I fucking did when she hurt me.

months i dedicated myself to her, thinking after what she did the first time it'd never happen again, she said she'd changed but she hadn't. She lied the same amount, just in different situations. It piled up and crushed me.

I love her more than anyone, and will for a very long time. But I am going to push it away, slowly, until it gets trapped in someone elses head, and I don't have to think about it anymore. adoration for the girl was an understatement. But although she claims i meant alot to her, which in the first 4 months I did, the last month she ran thin, like mucky water, undrinkable, unthinkable really.

For now i'll defend myself from the pain, defer sadness with comedy shows, mock the week, and 8 out of 10 cats, not boosh or buzzcocks, because it reminds me of her. But i'll watch movies with will ferrell and miranda, because what else is there to do when you lose the person you love to drugs and drink and boys you could never live up to.

Yeah, I lost her because she doesn't love me anymore, but that is because drugs and drinking are more important to her and that hurts so much that quite frankly I can't breathe. This is not some beautiful piece of writing you'd reblog on a website, this is not a poem, or a story, this is my stupid fucking life and I hate it.

HAPPY FUCKING BLIPDAY ME, HAPPY FUCKING TIMES, NOT A REAL BIRTHDAY, NAR, BECAUSE I NEVER GOT MY PRESENT FROM HER FOR THAT, BUT WOAH, TOOK 300 PHOTOS, WHAT A FUCKING ACHIEVMENT. OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT I ALSO LOST THE GIRL I LOVE AND MY WILL TO LIVE. WHAT A FUCKING BRILLIANT NIGHT. Ah wait, fucking Ha-ha. Goodnight.