It seems impossible to catch up with myself these days.
This was taken as I stopped on my way home to ring my sister who had just tried to ring me to say that I will be great aunt to a beautiful great niece with long toes (she’s just got the next scan though from her daughter).
After the weekend and the last few weeks talking to her partner and going back to stay there on and off my sister has decided to move back and give it a go again.
She’s sounding prettying chipper and excited about the baby.
They plan to go over for Christmas and will meet the in laws as well.

The day was consumed by an eclectic mix of post trauma and managing two little ones alone, two new ones with 60 years worth of depression plunging into the room, and then anger and hurt taking turns feeding on one another in a vortex fighting for supremacy, topped off with dark thoughts of not being worth the space and air that is occupied on the planet.

I seem to have a permanent headache and having hardly moved all day, I sink into exhaustion ready for yet another night of patchy sleep.

I stopped and looked down into the darkness ahead of me and just see this occupation of air and space as the bit before the next occupation of air and space which, wth any luck, will be a bit of a goose flying over the marshes and maybe a mote of dust caught in a late autumnal shaft of light.

I do miss him not being there to come home to even though I’m used to it.