The Devil Inside

An open letter to my disease

Dear Basil

Sometime, a long time ago, I'm not sure when, my body rebelled against me. Quietly, with a degree of stealth that is beyond staggering, my body created you. You started small, quietly, with very few symptoms. You reared your head every now and again, but never for long enough for a pattern to emerge or for there to be clear and undisputed evidence that you existed. Indeed, you were, for so very long, a fleeting shadow in my peripheral vision. I sensed that you were there, but when I questioned the existence of whatever you were, you hid from view, retreated to the shadows and left me questioning whether my imagination was playing tricks on me.

You did such an effective job of hiding that you managed to cause others to question my imagination, my sanity, my motives for believing that you existed. You were so clever that you disguised yourself and people who should have been able to help me labelled you as many things you were not.

Ultimately though, in your greed, you have consumed too much of me. In doing so, you have had no choice but to show yourself in all of your evil glory. You might still have been missed had it not been for so many people around me who believed ME, who pushed me to find others who could show you for what you are.

So, my devil inside, you remain, for now. But be warned - your time is very limited. You have been seen, located, identified. That means you are soon to be removed. You will no doubt continue to torture me in the many, varied ways that you do now - you drain me of energy, you cause me intense, agonising crippling pain, you make me want to crawl into a corner and cry. These feelings that you create in me are transient in the long term. In the long term, I will prevail. I will be here long after you have been cut out from me and consigned to medical waste.

Rest assured, I will not lament your loss. I will not mourn for you. I will remember you for what you have taught me though. That I have people around me who love me beyond comprehension, who support me unquestioningly and who will welcome the real me back with open arms when I return. You have taught me also that life is for living and that, in these last couple of years whilst you have reigned supreme over me physically, I have missed out on so much. In your absence, it is certain, that missed opportunities will be relived and I will revel in the beauty and joy that life has to offer.

You, monstrous growth, horrible carbunkle, YOU can go back to hell and stay there.

That is all.

Hebs.