Col Alistair McDuff

As those unfortunate Blipers who have seen my journal in the past will know, I have for years been ranting about the lack of UK foods on German supermarket shelves.

In the last couple of weeks, in the run-up to Christmas, Mr Kipling and his mincemeat pies have come under direct attack. Things got so serious that when I saw a posting in the Sun Newspaper, blatantly lying about UK food exports, I had to resurrect my Twitter account which I had deactivated in 2016 just after the referendum. As one might expect the Sun doesn't know that Brexit hasn't yet happened.  Morons,


My very last tweet in 2016 impressed The Right Honorable Sir Arthur Nicholas Winston Soames, MP, former Minister of State for the Armed Forces and grandson of Sir Winston Churchill. Soames retweeted it around the corridors of the EU in Brussels and then the Brexiteers waded in with their normal vitriolic nonsense. I did the only sensible thing and fled carried out an orderly retreat and deactivated my Twitter until December 2018.


Twitter now shows me as being a member since 2016 but in fact, I joined in 2007 thanks to Bliper Nogbad who used it. Back then I did try communicating with him but I simply didn’t, and still don’t, understand how it works. However, I did send off my blast to the Sun and added for good measure Premier Foods the UK company who make Mr Kiplings. I assumed it would disappear in the deepest of Livingstonian Dark African jungles.

I was, therefore, more than a little surprised but very impressed that Premier Foods replied, insisting Mr Kipling’s pies were indeed available in Germany, Now while I am not the greatest supermarket expert, I would notice Mr Kiplings pies simply from the smell when I entered a supermarket. I responded to Premier saying in essence, that I didn’t believe them! AND to their even greater credit and to my profound amazement, the reply came from Michelle@Premier Foods that I was right;

“It looks like we have stopped exporting Mr Kipling to Germany, however, Sharwood's products in Germany are available through Hanseatic Modern Food”

I checked out Hanseatic Modern Foods website which Michelle had added. Business has closed!

But I thought I should investigate further as it is sometimes (except if a Brexiteer) a good idea to check out other peoples "facts". And by the way, in the extras, a screenshot just to prove I am not making it up.

Later that day I went to our supermarket and to my astonishment “Sharwoods” sauces were indeed on the shelf. I had no idea they were British. Checked out the label and later sent Michelle a reply letting her know the name of the company that is importing and distributing one of their products in Germany for them. Always like to help out UK companies when I can, especially as they surge forward into the unknown worldwide global market they are told they must conquer.

What really galls me is that a leading or at least major food manufacturer in the UK has no real clue what they are doing and where. I don't blame the charming Michelle at all but in my business days, much of it without computers, I would have been fired, well at least strongly reprimanded, for giving out wrong information.
All this Brexit talk of global conquering is a farce and Premier Foods is not alone (I had the same run in with Unilever on Hellmann's Mayonaisse a few weeks ago on Facebook. This is what Premier writes on its website:

"Expanding internationally"

"We're also working hard to expand internationally by finding new markets for our brands around the world - our International business grew 25% in the financial period.  We're continuing to build momentum in Ireland and also responding to increasing consumer interest in a range of our brands such as Mr Kipling and Cadbury cake, Sharwood's cooking sauces and Batchelor's packet soups in a number of markets including Australia and the USA."

Isn't that illegal according to EU rules? Exporting to USA and Australia?
It is, at least in the Brexiteers catalogue of lies. Why do the Brits fall for it, time after time and now year after year?

Well at least that exotic, barely known Irish market is in the EU. A springboard no doubts to expand to the Isle of Man and Northern Ireland.
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And today’s Blip – Colonel Alistair McDuff.

Since 1965 he has accompanied me from the tropics to the UK and now Germany. A constant reminder of my colonial heritage.

Made of 100% plastic, not only is his name moulded in the base but also the year  “MCMLXV”. Now the average Brit recalling what he learned in Latin classes - part of the UK kindergarten teaching timetable since 55BC -  knows exactly the date but the figure was made ín the USA! They can’t count in anything. They shot a $trillion probe to Mars a few years ago but which crashed simply because two teams had worked on the software – one programmed in centimetres, the other in inches.

The manufacturer, Louis Marx & Co Inc was a huge business mainly involved in toy models. They no longer exist. Perhaps Trump can make them Great again and export his likeness in plastic form to the UK who so cherish the special relationship and are trying their very very best to imitate him. Don't worry Donald. the Brits can't even manage that.

I suspect my Col. Alistair McDuff may be a rarity. I wonder if Sir Nicholas would be interested - he was in the Hussars and even spent some time with them in Germany. Wiki doesn't mention what rank he achieved.

It's much too late (2 days) to congratulate an old friend on his 84 birthday. Again I forgot. Must have been almost exactly a year since I last spoke to him. We disagree totally on Brexit but he has the advantage of having a vote on it even if the House he sits in has red benches and when they vote, everyone knows it counts for nothing as the lot next door on the green benches can ignore them. British democracy at work.