Carols

We went to the CU Carol Concert this evening. I drank an entire flask of brandy and lemonade just to survive it. It was strange, seeing people again. Driftwood of another time, a whole other world.
When I first came to university I was so different to the person I am now. I can't even begin to describe just how different. I certainly couldn't have imagined being the person I am now, doing and thinking the things I do. I never thought there'd be a time when I didn't attend church, pray, believe in God and eternity...
So it was painful to go back to people who knew you were hurting at the time, who at some point read this Blip journal and knew the bottomless depths of it, people who promised they would ring, text, write and never did. Last year one girl asked me how I was doing, "you know, after being a bit down before". When I told her that I was struggling as much as ever she responded by saying, "Oh, well, I'll talk to JC about it. Bye!"
Things could have been so different. And that thought frightens me even more than the questions bouncing around my brain about time and space and salvation and a God who may or may not be kind, who may or may not be there.
I suppose none of us are able to look back and understand how we got here.