Dinnae Fash Yersel'

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

I felt very sorry for Caro today. I came home to find her feeling almost ill with the events of her work day. 

I can't go into detail for obvious reasons, but Caro helps people change their lives and so if things go wrong, she takes it very personally, even if it's completely beyond her control. 

She said today was one of those days where she felt like throwing it all in and doing something else. And I said if she continued to feel this way, she'd have my support. 

I think she knew that already, but you should still say these things. Then I made her a cup of coffee. 

And I cheered her up by telling her about the HUGE ISSUES that had blighted my day. They were twofold, and I'm sure you'll agree, they are VERY IMPORTANT:

The Wrong Font Controversy
Smock told me off for using the wrong font! Yes! What a DISASTER! I used Calibri 9 when I SHOULD HAVE USED Calibri 10!

"How am I supposed to read THIS?!?" complained Smock.

You may be surprised to learn that I don't take her very seriously these days. "Can't you just make it bigger on your screen?" I suggested. Because I'm helpful like that. Also it is fecking obvious.

"That won't do! I want to print it off and read it on the train!" she snapped.

I stopped coming up with helpful suggestions. She knows about global change, I expect.

The MSN Screen of DOOM!
So a funny thing started happening after an upgrade. Now when we log in at work, a Chrome session automatically opens with MSN news. 

I don't mind it. I sometimes look at the news stories. And then there's the weather.

"Bah!" bah-ed Smock. "That shouldn't happen! I'm going to call the help desk!" And she did too.

"As I thought, it's a proxy setting that's incorrect," she told me. "If you call the help desk they will log in to your machine and reset it."

"Okay," I said, making a mental plan to do this at half past I can't be fecking arsed.

But then Smock noticed it pop up on Lemon's laptop. "It's a PROXY SETTING," she said. "If you call the help desk they will reset it. If you call them. Are you calling them? They'll reset it, if you call them. Call the help desk and tell them it's the proxy setting and they'll reset it."

"Or we could just click the little X in the corner," I suggested, because I am helpful. 

"That's MORE clicks," said Smock inaccurately. 

Actually it is just ONE click. Per day. I mean, I don't think productivity will plummet. "Call the help desk and tell them about the proxy setting so that they can reset the proxy setting," Smock insisted.

So I didn't do it. But Lemon did. She was on the phone for FIFTEEN EFFING MINUTES while they sorted it out. "But you can just click on the little X in the corner," I pointed out. 

"Yes, but I think it's more important to her than it is to us," Lemon told me.

This morning when Lemon logged in, the MPI home page appeared, but it was more flashy and colourful than usual. Smock pounced. 

"IS THAT THE MSN NEWS PAGE?!? BECAUSE IT'S A PROXY SETTING AND YOU CAN CALL THE HELP DESK AND THE PROXY SETTING CAN BE RESET IF YOU CALL THE HELP DESK..."

Lemon calmed her down and pointed out it was the MPI home page.

"Oh," said Smock. And went off somewhere. 

I opened my laptop and up popped the MSN news page. Full of celebrity gossip about Taylor Swift and warnings of a heatwave in Auckland.

"You are going to get into SUCH trouble," said Lemon. 

I told Caro about these things and she laughed. I think it made her feel a little better. Sometimes it helps to have things put into perspective.

S.

p.s. Apparently Caro is feeling better. She just came smiling into the room saying she had just written a "f*** off" letter to a doctor. "But I was very nice. I phrased it very delicately," she said. "I think he'll enjoy his trip. To F*** Off."