Crime Scene Investigation: Stroud

Sometimes I get paid to sit very still, totally nude, in front of a bunch of strangers, for hours on end, while they draw me.

The money is useful, and it's good to have a pointless talent, such as being able to keep abnormally still. Other than that, it's a fairly bizarre thing to do.

I used to think that, if I ever got kidnapped in, say, Chechenya, and handcuffed to a radiator with only myself for company, then the hours of practice spent life modelling would come in useful. Now I mainly think about going home, and relaxing with a hot bath and a glass of wine.

In the winter I resent the time it takes me to get dressed and undressed. I would like to live opposite the venue so that I could stroll over, clad only in a trenchcoat and pyjamas.

Come to think of it, that description fits my father dropping us off at school in County Dublin in the 1960s! All that's missing is a felt hat. Not very Waitrose, is it?