Heights of Sophistication

And so it rolls around again - the Office Christmas 'Do'.

Technically plans start 3 months ahead, with intense discussion about choosing the right venue, the right date, the right menu. It's imperative that this be done to perfection.

And then, about a week before the event, one or two of us (no names will be mentioned here in order to protect the guilty) start quietly undermining the oh-so-civilized arrangements.

Our goal is to persuade the new staff members - those innocent babes!- to wear an array of the most atrocious tacky flashing bracelets, earrings and necklaces we can find from local junk shops.

We have an agenda, and it's not about the simple pleasure of bright lights for some Christmassy ambience. It's a deliberate ploy calculated to annoy The Boss's Wife, who has Delusions of Grandeur. And it works ...year after year after passive aggressive year.

Do you know Mrs Bucket, from the old BBC tv programme, Keeping Up Appearances? That's her, to a T.

Today was the Great Event. As the hours tick by, the 1,000 course menu is exclaimed over, the fashionableness of the setting is approved, and oh! Isn't that (insert celebrity here) is usually expressed at least once an hour. And Mrs Boss's smile gradually becomes more forced as she realises that, yet again, the female staff seem oblivious to the pressure of the 5 star atmosphere.

And the $2 jewellery flashes on; silently, vibrantly, triumphantly.*
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* No epileptics were hurt in the making of this blip.