How to annoy a Premier - 22nd March 1986

The scene, NW Australia, Barrow Island about 100 miles west of Karratha, a bare arsed runway on a bare arsed island in the middle of a bare arsed Indian Ocean about 1000 miles SE of Christmas Island and about 40 miles south of the location for some jolly old British "A" Bomb tests. (Went up there to check the radiation, fascinating. Ships blown to pieces. BIG sharks)

Where was I? Onto the bare arsed runway hurtled a Lear jet. Out strode Alan Bond (Owner of the new Harriet Oilfield) and wife, accompanied by Mr Burke the Premier of West Australia (Who was going to officially open the field) and wife, plus the usual bag carriers and unexpectedly some gun toting security. So what? Well Jim Gumley and I had been chosen to do the trip because none of the others could be trusted to behave themselves and keep from making controversial mistakes. Plus with my home counties accent Jim reckoned he could quietly wind up the Premier if I did the safety briefings as Burke hated ex-pat workers in his part of Oz. :-)

The reason for the visit was the opening of the Harriet Oilfield. The perspex cube contains a globule of condensate from the well, allegedly. The ladies wore dresses and huge hats, the men wore suits. Typical, we are going to an oilfield so let's get togged up. I had the fun task of getting them all safely strapped in, explaining the use of the life-rafts and the life-jackets, plus the shark repellant. (Yeah right. Those great whites drink that like Kool-Aid) As their eyes glazed over I was watching one of the security guys as his face turned panicky. Part of my brief was to explain that smoking was forbidden. I had stepped backwards at that point in preparation for climbing down from the cabin. As I did so I managed to flatten the packet of cigarettes Bondy had placed on the floor. I picked them up squeezed the carton back into shape and said, "Sorry, there's no smoking on this thing anyway." Jim was roaring his head off in the front forgetting the engines had not been started, so things went downhill from there.

When we went to pick them all up later they stood where we had landed previously. Mistake! Red Bulls Blood sand can really spoil your day out. Orange coloured passengers are not a rare sight in Oz. Most of the bloody country is orange.

In other news......
Yesterday the youngest grandson strained and turned red. He pharted triumphantly and was cheered on by Grandpa, simply because at the same time two lines of aliens exited his nostrils. Brains just like Grandpa. :-))