Life As An Over Thinker.

There’s times like this when I have every thought in my head at once. The what ifs and the oh no’s and the ‘why didn’t I say this’ rush around like when you’re trying to make a poached egg and you’re frantically stirring the water about the place to get the perfect covered egg.

I am the egg, and I’ve been plopped into a swirling bath of water and I’m either going to do that fancy thing they do in restaurants where there’s stringy bits or I’m going to separate from the white and the yolk will stick the bottom. I feel like both at the same time.

Overthinking is a curse. A real one. A real scary witch comes to your christening with her green wand, curse. I often think how much easier it would be if I could take my brain out, give it a rinse and stick it back in, all clean and new. Or if I could pick the gross bits out and just flush them away.

I just sit here and sigh and sigh and sigh. Take deep breaths and sigh some more. Sigh as I here the tiny cogs in my head tick over like one of those watches that are powered by your wrist. Tick tick tick tick tick.

I sit and I think about everything. Like a check list of pointless things I have to think about before I feel content enough to start on the next list and then the next one and so on. Until eventually I go stir crazy and fall asleep or I cry and then feel a little better.

I’m saying over thinking like I’m just contemplating life too much but it’s not like that at all. I have anxiety. Anxiety about everything and anything, or as Lee likes to call it- I’m a ‘worry wart’. I wish I was a bloody wart then I would freeze it off and flick it away like a fly on your arm. Until I decide how to flick my anxiety away, I’ll just keep listening to my ambient music and sighing about how the weight of the world sometimes feels a little too heavy. Even if all the problems are as light as feathers.

Happy Blipping.