24 hours later

turns out that it wasn't crocodile sperm at all - it was green beans!!
They were not just any old green beans though, they managed to have four special labels - organic, slow food, pro specie rara and some local thing as well. I'm sure these beans were dried by little old ladies waving them in the air in the sunshine until they achieved the correct level of crocodile rather than by any speedy, modern method. After soaking them in water overnight (hardly challenging) I had to cook them for 90 minutes (also not difficult) and they came out as slightly chewy beans that tasted of old ladies having fun in the sun. Even my usual levels of enthusiasm are struggling here.....