Tinsellitis...

You know the theory about dogs resembling their owners? Well I'm of the opinion that the same goes for Christmas trees.

When I was little, our tree was always a real one. My dad was great at choosing a big, generous one with wide, feathery branches. It would be overloaded with far too many coloured lights, sentimental homemade stars and an ancient (much loved) fairy called Mabel, who was cross eyed and looked a bit pissed....

On the other hand, my friend Jemma's dad, (a tall, serious man who found the whole festive season a bit frivolous) always managed to choose an elongated, spidery tree, with sparse greenery and a slight list to port. It would be economically decorated with one lonely tinsel rope, and a few cotton wool snowmen purchased at the church sale.

Rachels' mother (not the most pleasant of women) always had a fake tree - very small, and in the iciest of whites - even by the light of the fire, it looked harsh and brittle, as though it grudged being there.....

My tree, bought today, is small, fat and turquoise, with an over-abundance of glittery baubles, sparkly beads.... and is one bulb short of a string of fairy lights.

I rest my case........