I’m still struggling to put words to blips
There seems to be a welter of stuff and when I think of things that I want to jot down life seems to propel onwards and I don’t have time; when I do stop I feel speechless and incapable of action and a sort of paralysis takes over.

I took this desperately anticipating stopping. A long weekend. I had already decided not to go to mum and dad’s to do more sorting. The last time I was seriously gridlocked on the roads was one Easter so I didn’t fancy that and eating up most of two days of the break being stuck in traffic.

I had just been talking to someone who had decided not to clear out things belonging to a loved one who died over a year ago, saying, ‘why would I? It will seem too empty if I do and it [the belongings] proves it happened, that it was real’.

There seems to be lots of thoughts about ‘stuff’.
There is, of course, no point in any of it, only the meanings we attach. And then, of course, that becomes a logical unraveling; there is, of course, no point in anything. And so, of course, everything becomes meaningless and pointless. Engagement in anything feels like drowning in black treacle especially when it is a struggle to feel legitimacy in the world. Shame ...hiding. All nonsense.
Entropy...atrophy...
Sigh... I think I’d better get out and do something.
Thankfully there is great beauty.

Listened to this (ted talk below)... liked it although not so sure about the ‘forward’ bit...I’m more inclined to see it as stumbling and falling over a lot and the re-engagement bit is harder to square...but still, I liked it ...’what, 5 (birthday) really...get over it’ made me chortle. Wouldn’t it be great if the shelves of cards had ‘5th anniversary’ commemorative death cards!! ...not in this society, not in my lifetime!! ...let’s just forget it happened, shall we...

https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it