The Sanctuary

I saw in the day in A&E, having cut my wrist quite deeply. The Sanctuary had never rung and I’d reached for the blade. It wasn’t pleasant. I have to say though I was pleased I had managed to sneak out to the hospital without my housemate suspecting a thing.

I think I was considered pretty low urgency upon arrival, so watched as the waiting room emptied and there were a select few of us left. I don’t enjoy waiting in A&E - I guess nobody does - especially as my PoTS tends to be pretty bad in that style of seat.

On a previous visit, I ended up having to sit on the floor such was the severity of my symptoms. Hospital staff didn’t like this plan so much as it was considered unhygienic (to be honest, I was feeling quite upset by the dirt myself but felt ill enough that it was the lesser of the two evils) so I was told off.

The wait (and the general discomfort of it) did at least distract me from my woes. Whilst trying to hold my eyes open, I enjoyed some people watching.

One lady just made such a fuss when the blood pressure cuff tightened on her arm, I found it quite amusing. Maybe that was mean, I’m sure there are many situations I don’t understand but I struggled to see how it warranted the gasp she let out.

There was also a foreign man who looked like Simon cowell. He’d done something to his hand and kept blowing delicately on it in a way that didn’t exactly match his slightly butch physique.

After a bit more time has elapsed, a family with a small child arrived. I assumed they were there for the child but the child looked very happy and they actually went off to visit someone....albeit at 2am?!

I enjoyed watching Simon cowell wander over to chat to cuff lady. Another woman was looking on disgusted while her son tried to sleep in one of the high-backed chairs. But she soon leaned to join in the discussion. Turned out the hand issue was a chemical burn.

At last I was called through to minors where a very kind nurse spoke with me. She and the doctor, who came a bit later, both said it was quite deep which made me feel less pathetic for coming in.

The wait for the psych team was long so the doctor suggested going home to sleep and trying the Sanctuary again in the evening.

I got home at 3:30am, cancelled creche and went to bed. My whole arm was now delicate because I’d also had a tetanus injection but I did get some sleep.

In the afternoon, I went to Louise’s. That helped me feel safe even through the feeling of being in breakdown mode. She very kindly let me stay on at her house while I waited for a space at the Sanctuary. I felt touched by the love of her and several other friends who supported me through the day.

The Sanctuary was actually of little help. I didn’t really connect with the woman but it kept me safe until bed time.