A loss

You may remember my college roommate, Nancy, who contacted me last year after an unexplained 15 years of shutting me out of her life.  She has grandchildren here in Seattle, so she visits several times a year and we've gotten together for lunch on some of those visits and saw each other at the reunion.  After that she would call or Email me to keep in touch and tell me her troubles.  As I mentioned in an earlier blip, her husband became very ill and I tried to be there for her during a very difficult time.  

Then, suddenly, she broke off contact with me.  She didn't answer Emails, or return my one phone call.  After six months, I realized our friendship was over and unfriended her on Facebook so I wouldn't have to see the many posts she somehow had time to make.

Today she phoned me and and wanted to start up our relationship again.  I let it go to voicemail.  She said that, with everything going on in her life and how worn out she was, she simply had never had time to get back to me.  And I found myself really upset.  I realized that her earlier ghosting of me had hurt me much more than I realized.

I know what a good friend is and I've always tried to be that for her.  But I can't be her friend any longer.  I sent her an Email and told her I wasn't willing to put myself through this again.  Then I sat down and cried.