Where's My Giggle?

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

Look at this bird. Look at this grumpy, grumpy bird. I have no idea why it is looking so cross.

Mind you, I can be quite a grumpy bird myself. I berate myself for it sometimes. Smock is quite a nice lady most of the time, and she means well... but yet, she effing irritates the effing eff out of me sometimes. 

I think it is not necessarily her fault. I think I have triggers that lie in my past. One of my triggers is those people who pronounce all of the letters in words. You know the people I mean? People who say "correct-ly" making sure to pronounce the T. I really want to kick people like that. 

And it is NOT THEIR FAULT. It's just me! It's just a THING. I also hate people who pronounce the second U in vacu-um. Also people who say "pitsa" instead of "peetsa" when they mean "pizza".

It is all the fault of The Aardvark, my arch-nemesis on the RX project, back in the 1990's. He did all of the above and I think that's what triggers my irritable manner. It's like a form of PTSD. 

Or, "Post That Shithead Disorder".

He also did this THING which annoyed me. Back in the 1990's it was obligatory for every person who worked in IT to have a calendar on their desk. It had to be either "Star Trek" or "Dilbert" or some other cartoon. My preference was for "The Far Side".

(You kind of forget how huge The Far Side was, back in the day. Remember how it was EVERYWHERE, and then Gary Larson retired? But I digress.)

So anyway, every morning I'd rip down yesterday's cartoon and check out another Far Side of evil cats tormenting dogs, or aliens putting nerds in sandwiches, or cows mocking people. But in the back of my mind, my enjoyment of the cartoon was tempered by the fact that HE was lurking...

The Aardvark would choose his moment. He'd sneak up behind my chair, lean down until his mouth was next to my ear and whissssssperrrrrr...

"Where's my gigg-ullllllll?"

By "his giggle", he meant the effing cartoon. This was his daily ritual. I'd pass him the calendar, he would emit a joyless hrrrmph and that was it, over for another day. But my skin would crawl and the only thing to leaven the moment would be the fact that Mad Dog found this outrageously funny and would be openly giggling from his side of the desk. 

So that's my abiding memory of The Aardvark. And I think that is why I find Smock's creepy nosiness so effing irritating. This morning she LEANED DOWN so she could PEER into a brown paper bag on my desk which contained a pastry.

"Oooooh what's he got????"* she whispered. "That looks like a pain au chocolat!"

Seriously. It was all I could do to not throw the bag at her. Which is wrong of me, I know, but it is SO the fault of The Aardvark.

S.

* It really doesn't help that, in my mind, I hear her saying, "Oooooh what has it gotses, preciousssssssss..."