I can't dance.

Brian Avery



When I was a child my parents and I were always frustrated when it came time for me to get new shoes. One shoe would fit but the other one never did. It was necessary for me to suffer while I broke in the shoes. One shoe would then look rather odd and wear unevenly.

Bike riding was a problem for me. I had a tendency to push forward with one foot and push backwards with the other. My bike had a "coaster" brake which was operated by pushing backwards on a pedal. You can understand my dilemna. I would just get moving when the other foot would push backwards and apply the brake. If I wanted to ride my bike I first had to push it to a hill. This gave me a lot of excercise because I lived on the prairies where hills were few and far between. At last, when I arrived at a hill, I had a few moments of bike riding thrills. I paid for that, though. Not only did I have to push my bike back up the hill but I had to push it all the way back into town.

Growing up with my problem was difficult. Other kids teased me a lot and called me names such as "The Jerk" because of the jerky way I walked. That was bad enough but going through puberty was worse. Most kids at that point in their life think there is something physically wrong with themselves but I actually did have something wrong with me. I grew up with a thick skin because of all the abuse aimed at me.

Girls were a problem. Oh, I chased them but with my jerky gait I could never catch them. Girls new to our school would sometimes flirt with me if they didn't see me walking. I was rather good-looking as you can well imagine from present day photos. However, once the girls saw me walking they shied away.

I tried dancing. My teacher helped me but to no avail. In my younger adult years I spent large amounts of money on dancing lessons. There was just no way I could dance, no matter how hard I tried.

Throughout my life therapists and doctors have done their best to help me but nothing worked. Eventually I became resigned to my fate. However, last week I decided to see if modern medicine had anything to offer. Well, it was as if a load was removed from my shoulders. After doing a lot of tests and connecting me to several machines the doctor said I had a condition known as A B Normal. Nothing can be done about it but at least now I know why I can't dance. As it turns out I have two left feet.