More Apples

It's been feeling more autumnal of late, and it's been the perfect temperature, 21 degrees. The sun is hot but the wind is cool. That's my kind of weather. 

Yesterday I had a coffee date with G, a guy I went on two dates with back in April. We said we would keep in touch, and we set up coffee. It's nice because he actually lives just down the road from me, so we went to the local coffee place and sat outside.

Over the last few months I'd had these feelings that I had made a mistake when I didn't take that third date, and wondered what if. I knew he was seeing somebody else and it's going well, so part of me wondered if there was even much point in going.

But we had a good chat and I came away feeling so much more positive. He had been really easy to talk to the last few times, and we'd talked openly about the usually taboo subject of therapy. I found him so easy to open up too, and I am so pleased that it's going really well for him with this new girl, even though I definitely wish I hadn't let fear stop me from getting to know him better!

He said he had cried with the loneliness he felt a few months ago, and I found it so easy to identify with those feelings, and also found it more attractive, i.e. the ability to be vulnerable and open. He also recommended me a new therapist, and I've made contact with her which feels right. 

I came away feeling less alone in my despair I suppose, and more motivated to give online dating another go. I re-did my profile and have been chatting to some people so we shall see. 

I hope this good feeling lasts. 

Lucy came round to play this evening. It was good to see her and to hear her say "A-yix". The other day she wanted to play with Rosie Poppins's toy rabbits, but we'd moved them from the conservatory and put them back upstairs as there are so many of them! I said I'd take her to go and get them, and showed her where they were inside the wardrobe. Inside there were all Ro's little toy dogs and bears as well, and Lou was right in there, holding them up in complete overwhelm of which ones she wanted. In the end I managed to get a few favourites - Eric, Flop-Rab, Jack, Dermot, Hamish and Roford- and then shut the wardrobe door. My dad came up and tried to carry her down,  but she answered firmly "no!". Then he said he'd hold her hand to walk down the stairs but she waved her hands and said again "no!". Then she got to the top step, reached for my hand and said "A-yix"! And I think my heart just burst into my chest a little bit more ;-)