Snowy Evening.

I feel nothing. Even my dad has noticed, I have been sitting on my bed all day since I got up, I have eaten only some mozarella ball and some cucumber, my diet's going pretty well. I don't feel too good, but hopefully in about 3 months I will have lost enough to at least not want to throw up when i see myself.

Bridie's staying tonight which i'm glad about. Should be a laugh, i'm looking forward to having a tab shortly.

Heard James is going away with Chloe to spain in spring which is nice, makes me feel sick though, everyone has someone, i dont think I can cope with it anymore to be frank. Genuinely can't be the one who's at home cryign on my own this summer when everyones with their girlfriends and boyfriends on holiday, besides, I won't have to be, because I've made a promise to myself that if it does end up being the case I'm going to get drugged and drown myself in the river to save myself and those around me the bother of pretending they care, and pretending that i'm fine.

Sick sick sick of living like, tempted to get so drunk and run away, so when I need my stomach pumped they can't find me and then i'll die.