Undressed for Success

My Dear Fellows and Dear Princess,

Lemon was apparently quite delighted with the clothes that Caro passed on to her last week. She has picked out a white top and cream trousers for special church occasions.

She modelled them for her partner.

"You're not wearing those NOW are you?" he asked.

"This is because I have a reputation for attracting stains," she told me. 

I sympathised. I'm similar myself. Half my food inevitably ends up down my front when I eat. I put this down to my enthusiastic joie de vivre and not at all because I am a messy little bastard who can't find his mouth.

Lemon told me she has developed a strategy for this sort of thing. So when she is getting ready for a special occasion, she just doesn't get dressed until the last minute.

Her daughter will see her sitting on the couch in a bra and knickers.

DAUGHTER: Going out, are you?
LEMON: Uh-huh.

If Lemon's daughter is a little perplexed by her, I think Caro would understand. She looked at my holey socks today and said words that sounded very much like, but were not necessarily, "muck's break".

"I'll throw them out!" I said. I took off the offending socks and threw them blindly over my shoulder without thinking. 

CARO: Did you just throw your socks into the cat drinking bowl?
ME: (Thinking) Probably. Yeah.

But when I went to check I had MISSED! By about an INCH!

Caro commented, "Thank god I can rely on your aim being effing useless."

And then she just about peed her pants laughing at me. How rude!

S.

p.s. Look at that smiley little face. Punky makes me so happy.