Big piece

‘No, I’m not carrying any firearms.’ It still makes me smirk that passengers are earnestly asked such questions. I find it unlikely that someone would attempt to board a plane having accidentally left a pistol strapped to their belt. Conversely, someone planning to hold a plane up at gunpoint is hardly likely to have a crisis of conscience at the check-in desk and declare a machine gun along with a bottle of mouthwash exceeding 100 millilitres.

It was registering as 12 degrees as I waited for a delayed flight at Johannesburg airport. I was shivering and miserable and craving to get back to the tropical coastal spot of Maputo. I’m not someone who gets ‘hangry’ but I definitely get irritable when I feel cold. What’s the term for this? Chill-itable?

When we finally boarded, the agent made me titter by addressing me as ‘the gentleman from Rochdale’, down as place of birth in my passport. Fifty-two minutes later we touched down in Maputo.

‘It’s a big piece’, chuckled the waiter on presentation of this lemon meringue pie at Johannesburg airport. Ain’t that the truth: it was almost too much even for my well honed sweet tooth. I think the dude sitting in front of me was envious.