I felt such a wonder and joy when I came across this.
There’s been so much to get to grips with that I’m not really catching up with myself.
On balance the job change has probably been a good thing but it has been pretty challenging and definitely exhausting.
Up earlier, home later, travelling more, significantly different and more challenging workload, a different venue each day which I quite like although none have the attributes of the main venue of my last post, but is a change of scene, a change of culture, new experiences and all that. A very different team, I’m no longer the only one in my role covering a large area on my own, I’m in a group of four of us and a good bunch. The manager though is uncompromising, there isn’t the feeling of trust that I had before. Known secretly as the smiling assassin. There’s not a lot of give, consideration, care, kindness. I had an occasion when I felt very out on a limb, unsupported and unsafe the other day. One of my colleagues has talked a lot about this and feels there are issues which have clearly left him feeling anxious and stressed. This occasion made me clearly appreciate why and I felt quite traumatised and rang my supervisor the next day to both check I had made the right call, to stream consciousness, and then cry. But I have retained my supervisor which wouldn’t have happened if I was in the previous post and this was a good example of where that matters. So, all in all, a curate’s egg but overall although it might finish me off I think it has been the right decision on balance.