Knackered.

This is more test shooting for tomorrow, of me and Jam, its felt like lightyears since i've seen him, I miss my brother, I feel something bad has happened but maybe its' my mind. I haven;t slept in over 24 hours and I feel ill.

Happy though, well, not so much happy as finally content with life, I think everyone can tell I am changing back to myself. If only it hadn't taken so long to find what was missing, even though I knew all along.

It's my studio slot soon, i'm nervous as anything for this shoot but fingers crossed it'll go well! I'm just always nervous, I am sat here with Paige, I can smell her lady gaga scent in the air next to me bless her, she;s daft but I love her.

I have a raging headache and feel like I could burst into tears from exhaustion, but I got my best friend back, so I feel good, inside, deep inside, under the layers of putrid hatred and lack of faith, I hold a little ball of happiness between tight fists, I won't be letting go again. It's not worth the tears, all I need is my private stash of acceptance and minor hope for life.