In which crampons are needed in shopping centres

Outside there is about 3mm of snow and no ice whatsoever. Really, crampons? Are you scaling the North Face of the Eiger which has been relocated to the bleach aisle of Wilkinsons?

Also, she had a waterproof map bag around her neck, presumably lest local landmarks had been obliterated by the blizzard. I fear for her, I really do, I could see no sign of an avalanche alarm in her voluminous rucksack.