Dreaming

I have been dreaming of this morning for a long, long time. The one where I wake up, cook drunk eggs (an old family recipe for scrambled eggs which includes all the Sunday, or in this case Monday morning contents of your fridge, plus processed cheese - this should be eaten maybe three times a year and only on VERY special occasions) and sit at a dining room table in the sunshine and have my morning reading, praying, journaling routine in absolute and total quite and stillness.

I am calmed. So calmed. I had no idea how deep my craving for time utterly and completely alone was until the last two days of living in this apartment alone has brought me a deep peace, so real, so distinct that suddenly I am aware of just how tired and wound up I was. I am so exhausted that I am falling asleep everywhere I sit. Trains, trams, my couch.

Isn't it funny, that post-adrenaline exhaustion?

I am taking it slow this week, unpacking, working mostly in the evenings and giving myself the days to live slowly and temporarily, recluse-ively.

I have some big decision to make about my future and I am in no emotional state to make them unless I take BIG advantage of this time alone.

I've been listening to Dream by Priscilla Ahn a lot lately. Trying to remember not to stop dreaming. Maybe that's why I am so tired, I've got some dreams to dream.