O sistema diz não

The system says no.

The immigration official puzzled over my passport as I exited Mozambique. I had a stamp from my latest border run, but no eye scan or fingerprints logged on the system. Not my problem I thought, as I eyed her deciding whether to make a fuss or not. I expected her to turf the passport back to me, as if it was my problem to deal with, but she stamped it with one of the most dramatically dismissive gestures I’ve yet seen. This sounds like an oxymoron but if you’ve dealt with immigration officers in Africa, you’ll know.

I travelled to Johannesburg as it’s the final day I could leave Mozambique without a fine for overstaying. On the plane the passengers were reminded that interfering with any aspect of the cabin crew’s duties is a criminal offence, for health and safety reasons. I have no argument with this on a factual basis, and I know that large numbers of people in artificial situations need a degree of ‘management’ so that movements and systems flow.

However, why as the human race do we trot out things that defy logic? Why would someone in their right mind wrestle a cabin steward to the ground during the safety briefing? If they would it’s because they’re not of sound mind and haven’t absorbed the dusty statute covering aviation laws filed in a vault in a capital city somewhere. If someone isn’t of sound mind, it’s because the world has produced them to be that way, and the correct response is empathy and understanding. Does a passive pre-recorded announcement about tampering with cabin crew deter passengers who were otherwise contemplating opening the door mid-flight? I doubt it, as their problems would have to be pretty grave to try it.

I think huge chunks of the psychology of rule-making and the criminal justice system are flawed, and largely driven by fear and desire to control over practical reality.

Over-thinking on planes is a pattern of mine as any other time when more connected I’d be fretting about an approval I need from the UK office, or being seen online on WhatsApp by the numerous people I haven’t yet replied to, or being accosted in the street by police officers demanding documents.

After the stuffy plane journey and the sardine-like bus transit, a passenger chose the moment of walking into the spacious and airy terminal to don his coronavirus mask. Sorry my man, this looks like window-dressing. In South Africa, the customs area is bedecked with references to SARS, the South African Revenue Service. This feels like an unfortunate coincidence.

My friend Maycen told me he had arranged a driver from his work, Mustafa, to meet me at the airport, for which I was exceedingly grateful as I was heading to a hotel in an unknown place and scoping out new places in the dark in Johannesburg is not a wise plan. It was a ruse and it was Maycen himself, which was a lovely surprise. As an engineer, on the way to my hotel he gave me the grand tour of Johannesburg buildings that he’s been involved in designing and constructing. One is Africa Mall, completed in 2017, complete with a large roof alcove designed in the shape of a voluptuous-bottomed woman, according to Maycen. Based on the aerial imagery, I see his point. It also has these giraffe sculptures, grainy in the dusky light.