Bus.

I wish that you could show to me,
all the things you wish to be,
I'll sit here so mindlessly
with day-long silence surrounding me
I am confused, for I am free,
but not free like i'm supposed to be,
Hope and faith could be trapped
somewhere deep inside of me,
but every time I think to look,
I realize I don't want to see.
Does my head play tricks on me?
Always missing you so terribly,
Or is it you that doesn't see,
how all this, is supposed to be.

~

I never realized it'd always be this way, it'll be this way till I die, always the same old stab of loving you too much and you not really being sure. I'm going to be the girl that all of a sudden, on her way to the store, or back home, she just changes route and walks, then slowly begins to run.

Into the road. To the bridge and over, into the river. To the roof.

No one will be warned, because they never knew, they never realized, didn't catch on, even with my irritating irrational cries for help, cries for help that were never loud enough, because i'd rather hide away and sob, than cry in front of the people I love. But i'll be gone, then maybe all of a sudden, all the love you didn't have will come flooding back, from your eyes, and your wrists and your feverishly beautiful mouth, from your ankles and feet and skin. It'll drain from you, till it hits, that everything is gone.

Well I feel that way every day. Cry cry cry for help, Time, time, time is scarse, but there's not enough time in the world to scream loud enough for an answer.

Going to make a joint and ponder shit really. I do wonder.
It's curiouser and curiouser, more like a mystery than I ever really knew before.

I want to stop eating so I can be thin for you, but knowing my luck i'll die or something because i'm so used to being this thing.

There's not many words for today, and no doubt everyone will be made aware. Everyone.

Spread the word, why not. I'm onto you.