THIS MACHINE KILLS ZOMBIE FASCISTS

I'm rather expecting to have to use it, things being what they are. Already we've seen a few of them, lurching in the distance. The unusually warm weather brings them out, I think.

In normal tines we have a cull in March: they're forced out of the ditches where they overwinter and then driven down to the river, where ... well, I won't describe the details: it's all perfectly normal apart from their vague mumbling of racist slurs as we drive them into the water, where the trained otters wait.

But of course none of that has happened this year, so we fear the worst. I have sharpened my banjo: I hope it will be enough.