Wallowing

It's been one of those days today when things combine to remind you about the brevity and impermanence of life on earth.

Don't read on if you want to be cheered up!

It started with the delivery man trying to deliver our new rose bush to next door, deciding we weren't in and taking it away again.  Sad.  Then I took part in a Zoom training webinar about funerals in time of Pandemic - what the church can do.  Interesting but not very cheerful.  Then some new arrived for two more knitting projects.  Very cheery.  Then we went shopping and Big nephew saw us driving along and followed us into the supermarket.  Lovely to see him as we have been socially distancing so that was bitter sweet - happy to see him but sad that we can't see more of each other and have a hug.  I need that because we both miss his mom.  We talked about his brother TYM and said that we were pleased that he seems to be much more positive now.  So happy sad again.  TYM phoned me when I got home and he said how he knew he was to blame for what his Mom had done but was determined to make us all proud.  Nice to hear him sounding more positive but it reminds me of all the awfulness...Then the delivery man from this morning came back and delivered my rose bush.  Hurrah!  Some bits of the lawn are growing.  Hurrah!  We planted the rose bush.  Hurrah!  Then I was looking for some film clips to get to Dad and I started watching the old family cine film we had copied.  It starts with Christmas scenes from abut 1962-63 and it brought lots of emotion.  Most of the people in it are dead and I miss them, especially my Mom and Sister. I know that's not surprising and all that but there is so much I would like to say to them - the four in this shot in particular - my grandad, my granny, my Mom and my sister.  How fleeting our togetherness is.  

Having read this through now, I realize that actually there have been far more good things about today than sad things.  I just have to keep things in perspective.